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You don't say how long you've been shooting nor what caliber. It must be bigger than .45 if you call that less recoil. I would suggest 9mm for less recoil. Less recoil will help, but it sounds like you've got more problems than that.
I think any kind of action shooting will improve your shooting. If you are concerned about self-defense, IDPA and USPSA are both good practice. I do both every week.
Find a professional instructor to give you a private lesson to evaluate your shooting. He will look at stance, grip, trigger pull, and other things (flinching, recoil anticipation, etc.). A one hour lesson shouldn't cost more than $50 or so and is well worth it. He will give you things to work on.
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