All joking aside--I'd use an airsoft on one of the neighborhood kids doing stupid kid stuff ( like TP'ing my porch) and laugh my butt off at 'em while they were curled up squealing.
As for real home defense---first, you'd have to get passed my dog. If you don't belong to this house, you won't make it two steps into the driveway before he tells on you. Then, if you did somehow manage that impossible feat, you'd have to get inside without anyone (namely me) noticing. And then, should you decide to take the fight over flight option and grab one of the many swords hanging everywhere----well, that's where it just becomes fun. I don't own an edged weapon I'm not fluent with. Being an instructor has its advantages, and if it got all the way to that point I'd probably draw it out and toy with you a bit just for the simple fun of it. A little sadistic? Perhaps. *shrug* But at that point a bullet almost seems too kind. I'm gonna give you time to realize just how deep that hole is that you've dug for yourself before I fill it in on top of you. And if by some strange chance I let you keep breathing in the end, I guarantee you'll wish I hadn't long before it's over. Feel free to dissect that any way you like.
