It's a tough spot to be in, my wife is going through the same thing. Only she is dead set on carrying a P239 and she is a tiny lady. Off the body carry seems to be here only option as she won't dress around the gun. I can't fault her for that as I'm the same way (certainly not leading by example) but I made up for it by carrying a small, light j-frame.
Since you are willing to compromise and carry a small gun, a lot of what's been mentioned here are great options. Like others said, Kahr's, baby Glocks, Walther's and even the new Sheild will all fit the bill. It's just a matter of going out and getting a hold of the guns to see what fits you best and if you can, fire them.
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