Look at the Ruger LCP. It is a .380 caliber, small framed and packs enough of a punch to stop a criminal. It is not fun to shoot as it has some pretty fierce recoil. But finding a small gun that is a decent defensive caliber that has no recoil is going to be virtually impossible. My wife has baby hands as well so I understand your issue.
Here is a pic of the LCP
Although for strictly home defense you could look into a youth 20 gauge shotgun.