briandg, I agree with a lot of what you said until the last paragraph. The OP made an understandable error, and the other guy over-reacted to create what the OP perceived as a very real threat. In these days of carjackings and Castle Laws, the aggressor opening the car door could very easily be construed as an attack, and the disparity of force between a muscular 300-pounder and a skinny 160-pounder is very real. The problem is that it will cost you the price of a lawyer to do the construing, but broke is better than dead for most people. Preparing for defense while you take steps to de-escalate the situation is a reasonable course.
In the last paragraph, though, you say that you would have intervened in certain circumstances.
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It could have been a gang hit on a narco cop.
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The problem is that it could also have been a cop making a narcotics bust. It is close to impossible to know what is going on between two strangers. As much as you might hate to do so, it probably is wise to stay out of other people's fights.