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Obviously, of course, we aren't talking about "all men" or "all women" or even "all feminists." But people are complex, and not always aware of their own mixed messages or tangled motivations.
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+10. I'm rather poor at seeing my own tangled motivations without doing a lot of not-always-fun work to sort them out. That's a common problem, and it causes all sorts of trouble.
The one guy in my life that most exemplifies the Type-A, macho, traditional male, however, is not even remotely threatened by women who outperform him, even in a field where he (correctly) views himself as an expert -- shooting. I've known Mike since college. Back then I still had my vision in as good of shape as it ever was (correctable to 20/20) and often outshot him at the range with a .22 rifle. (My small muscle coordination is quite good, better than his.) I also once hit a long-range rifle target he was shooting at with his Colt .357. One of his teenage daughters now outshoots him regularly. Of course, he taught her to shoot, so he still takes some credit for her shooting. ;-)
From what I've seen in my life, you just never really know how somebody will react til you try it. For a lot of women, me among them, that makes us a bit cautious especially around men we care about. While I don't like it when a guy can't handle me beating him at some competitive thing, I also have my weaknesses and don't like to rub someone's nose in theirs.
I wonder how many women are hesitant to *really* get good at self defense because they don't want to hurt a man they care about?