Friend, your best bet is to take your wife to a range and rent various handguns until she finds something that she is comfortable with.
That being said--if you are in a position to help make th3e choice, your post positively screams for a 1911 type pistol.
And don't be fooled--I have helped train female officers who have a real problem reaching a trigger on the XD pistols, HK's, SigSauers or even Glocks--but they used and handled a full sized Government Model very well.
If you want a shorter pistol, something along the lines of a Colt Defender would fit the bill. 1911 autos are available in .45 ACP (of course!), but are also readily available in .40 Smith and Wesson or 9mm as well.
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Hiding in plain sight...
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