[Gaxicus]

Pax,

Thank you so much for actually contributing something to the thread instead of just sarcastic remarks. I put this up here because no matter how effective I might think it is, it is certainly controversial and I wanted to improve it. My feelings weren't hurt, I just get ticked off when trollers or drive-by insult artists mud up a thread.

I love the cornered cat. JasonG posted a link and I spent a lot of time reading it. I referred a lot of people to it.

An observation. I disagree with you on several points in your post Not that I am going to try and tell a woman what she is thinking, but probably because you are in a very different place mentally than I see some of the women and quite a few men at the range. I'll explain and maybe you can address them. I dont want to be right, I want to get better at this.

First , let me start by saying I don't condone beating an unconscious rapist.... but I understand. I would rather have fight like that in her than have her give up and become a statistic. Same applies to men. The story is shocking and I believe it sidetracked things as people seemed to get hung up on it.

1) You believe most new gun owners reek of fear.

Most new defensive gun owners, Yes I do. Fidgeting, very little eye contact if any, jumpiness, extremely fast and start stop speech pattern. The big test for me is watching them load the gun in the range stall. Shaking hands, dropping rounds, bad muzzle discipline. I usually comment on what a nice gun they have, ask them the story behind it, then ask to try it first when I see that. It helps them focus and calm down but that's not necessarily what this approach is designed to address.

You particularly believe most female gun owners reek of fear.

I will cop right now to using generalizations. Lots of them. I know I am skipping through a field of bear traps on this one but I will give you a direct answer anyway. New female defensive gun owners, yes I do. Almost the same thing as above but with additional observations. I'll explain.

Actually, the women usually exhibit less of the above symptoms of fear during the first parts of the session and the actual operation of the firearm. Many times they outshoot the men once they have reloaded, not sure why, better fine motor control, whatever. They also ask more questions. Not kissing any ass here, its just true.

Where I see the above symptoms really become evident is when the discussion of using the weapon starts. Some will flat out say that they dont think they can use it if they needed to. I don't think its responsible to ignore that. The gun is worse than useless if this isn't addressed

After several different approaches and exercises, i reached the conclusion that, generally, women are less likely to have wrapped their head around and have far less experience with the concept of physically attacking someone. In a fight, you have to willfully, aggressively, and repeatedly attack someone, even when hurt. When an an advantage is gained, you must not surrender it until the opponent is incapable of attacking you effectively on your egress. Especially if you are outsized.

Anyone who has raised boys knows that they seem instinctively driven to constantly challenge themselves and others in this physical way. My girls are instinctively very capable of using words against other girls and completely outmatch the boys but have had to learn the physical aspects of conflict. Often from their brothers.

Without the subject coming up, after a few minutes of conversation, you could probably guess right 75% of the time if a woman grew up with older brothers.

The act of punching, kicking, biting, scratching, shooting etc should be a focused attack. The very word attack seems to make a lot of women and some men cringe when they think of associating it with themselves. Attack they must if they are in a fight. How do you get them to commit to an effective attack? They need to be more than OK with it. They need to be passionately resolved to it. They must fight harder, faster, and be more relentlessly than their bigger attackers.

That is what this whole approach is geared toward.

3) You believe that the way to get them over their fear is to call them "killers."

The words and concepts are very strong, the example story of the woman is very strong. Attack, Kill, all that. I know. Its on purpose. This is a hard approach.

The soft approach we would all prefer doesn't work sometimes. It can come off fake and condescending when coming from a man to both women and men. Sexist? Maybe, but it is something that happens and it cant be ignored. Some fair criticism here, I love the cornered cat. I like the approach but it is just isnt going to work sometimes. Its not too hard to imagine women balking at being compared to kitties, especially by a man is it? Maybe it is sexist, but its something I've noticed and have to deal with.

My first rule of teaching is be yourself, be honest, and deal to your strengths. I am not a woman. I am not someone that has much, if any, sympathy for predators, and I detest the idea of having a gun being taken from a law abiding citizen by one.

The hard approach is not the first option, it is not just for women, and it is definitely not for everyone. It can be very effective though.

I use those strong words because it forces the issue. Those words are monolithic and leave very little wiggle room for fear (ir)rationalization.

It is a very direct thought process.

Predator.
What is a predator? A person that wishes to inflict themself on me and take something from me by force. What am I willing to surrender and what am I not? Hey, who the *#@*&% does this jerk think he is anyway?!

Attack.
Me? Attack? Oh my god you cant be serious, I have a hard time killing a spider. Wait! I have kids, a wife or husband. I have made sacrifices for my future and my family. I have every right to protect that. How do I survive? He wont let me talk him out of it.. he is just hitting me and pulling me into a car! I must attack to save my, and my familys future. I must attack to survive.

Kill.
Oh sheesh I dont think I could live with myself if I killed someone. Thats what bad guys do isnt it? Cant I sorta threaten him in a nice way? Maybe shoot him in the... Oh its too late, Im in the car and he has my gun. Is that Duct tape? What are the garbage bags for? Is that dried blood? Im not the first one hes done this to. OMG I wish I had that gun back! I want to live! This &*%^$% deserves to die!

Predator Killer.
I have already thought out my moral obligations, my fears, and my choices. I know the law, it is on my side, and it is less of a threat to me than my attacker. I am perfectly ready and willing to kill a predator. I will fight until I am unconscious if necessary to make sure he can not attack me until I can be safe. If he takes my wallet the look in my eyes alone will be enough to let him know he wont get anything else. If I have to pull my gun, I will shoot and shoot to kill. I cant afford, and he doesn't deserve, for me to take any chances if he attacks me. I am a predator killer and I am more than ok with it I am resolved to it.

Thats the hard approach. It has worked. The people that it works with dont go around looking for an excuse to kill people. They carry themselves more confidently, not more aggressively or threatening. Calmer and noticeably less jumpy. Not a limping gazelle around lions. Im not going to make anyone I would use this approach with into a serial killer. They will have faced the issues, thought it out, and resolved themselves to their choices.

Calling people "killers" instills a dangerous mindset. My students aren't "killers."

We aren't "killers." We are people who will do whatever it takes to survive the encounter with our lives and our good guy status intact.

I respectfully disagree with this approach. If they carry a gun, and are willing to pull and shoot it, they had better be killers. Why do we seem to forget that you shoot to kill. Thats the only reason to shoot. Good guy status belongs before and after, never during a fight for your life. Hero stuff just gets you killed. Lots of people will probably back me up on this even if they hate everything else I posted.

I like your "whatever it takes" stuff. Good. Mind if I use it? I don't just use the hard approach.

A domestic cat is sweet and cuddly and non-threatening. Sure, it's capable of killing, if killing is called for. But it's not primarily a killer. That's not its identity. Its central identity is non-threatening; the claws only come out when threatened and the purpose is to get away from the attacker.

I am sure this works really well for you but I just cant see myself pulling it off the way you can. I can see everyones eyes rolling and going glazed to anything else I tell them. Like it or not, Im just a man (wink).

I know that's not macho enough for a lot of folks. I can live with that. I'm just a girl, after all, and probably don't have the right mindset. So be it.

Now that IS sexist condescension if I have ever heard it but considering how many times I probably offended you, I can give it away.

Keep up the good work. I like the website and will continue referring folks to it. Thanks again for taking the time to contribute something useful to the thread.