[E. BeauBeaux]

Twas the Night Before Christmas


Twas the night
before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
As I sat at the workbench, quite busy reloading,
The empties from autumn were polished so clear,
For primers and powder, and bullets from Speer.
And Sierra boat-tails, and Nosler´s Partitions
(My bench ain´t no place for brand name
omissions!)
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press,
With dies from Midway, and RCBS.
When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed for my Mossberg, and whipped out my
Colt.
As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf,
I scrambled for cover, just to protect myself
; From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and
snorting,
Like the noise out of L´il Rock, from Clinton´s
cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 230-hardball, I´d knock ´em all blotto.
Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer
and Reno?
Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of vino?
My question was answered with a knock, and some
sneezing,
It´s Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm
freezing
I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door
wide, To find St. Nick a'shivering, Rudolph by his side
He eyeballed my Thompson, with a nod of approval
"You´re all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."
But this is no raid, we´re not here to harm
you
Or persecute, prosecute, or even disarm
you
Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow
My .357, 'till day after tomorrow.
It´s okay he assured me, with a hint
of frustration.
I´m enrolled in the National Rifle
Association
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
I´ve had this since me and the missus were
dating!
And you see, ol' buddy, I´ve gotten real
nervous
Since Hillary was elected, with a promise to
serve us
So henceforth as I´m out there, my presents
a'stackin'
I want to assure you, I´m legally
packin'
And my gift for you this year, should give
you a hoot
I´ve told the Supreme Court to give Brady
the boot!
Now, Rudy and I must be on our way."
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his
sleigh.
With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his
pocket
He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a
rocket.
With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare
I knew he´d be safe, he was loaded for bear.
As he faded from view,
I could still hear him calling,
From DC, where 'PC' is already falling,
To bad guys in LA, Detroit and Atlanta:
I´m licensed to carry. Don´t be messin'
with Santa