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I'll add my two bits to this thread.
One thing that I would look for in selecting a "martial art" for self-defense is whether or not techniques are taught in both Kata (form) and Randori (free-sparring) formats.
Kata is important because one needs to build smooth and efficient techniques and attributes. However, Randori is of a paramount importance because it teaches one to deal with a dynamic opponent, one who moves unexpectedly and resists powerfully.
Systems like Aikido and Hapkido are nice and excel in attribute/skill building. However, because they are almost exclusively practiced in Kata format only, often their practitioners are unable to deal well with real world attackers. Similarly, many "combatives" systems teach excellent techniques, but do not practice them in free-sparring, so are unable to actually perform them in a realistic encounter.
Now, free-sparring does not mean Olympic Tae Kwon Do-style foot-slapping game. The more realistic free-sparring is, the better preparation it is for real self-defense.
When I trained my wife, for example, I spent many months training her in ground grappling (mainly Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Shoot Wrestling) techniques only, practiced only statically. Then, I started to introduce free-sparring with grappling only.
When that progressed sufficiently, I introduced her to striking techniques (punches and kicks, but mainly elbows and knees). Now, when I free-spar with her, I use "little" slaps, elbows, knee bumps and foot-slaps as well as what I call "power" moves (meaning, no martial art techniques, but common thug moves like headlocks and two-handed chokes). Occassionally, I put on very thick gloves and use moderate strength punches while she does all that she knows.
In the future, we will probably start using thicker gloves and protective gear and go all out. Naturally, I will very gradually increase my strength "level."
When that is done, we will probably start introducing dummy weapons. And it will go on and on until we die or she loses interest.
Now, there is a bunch of morons near where we live and they claim to teach self-defense (mainly based on a rather flimsy style of Tae Kwon Do and a few months of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Even though some of those guys there weigh over 200 lbs., they are deathly afraid to even spar with my wife (despite the fact that she weighs little over half their weight) after seeing how we train.
But that's another story. Sorry about the rambling...
Skorzeny
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For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the supreme excellence. Sun Tzu
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