[MikeWrite]

My wife and I have season tickets to a local community theater in Scottsdale, Arizona. About a month ago, we went to see a production of "Damn Yankees." This is theater in the round, where there's no conventional stage, just a raised 6" platform in the middle of the room with the seating arranged around it. You can literally reach out and touch the performers -- and they can do the same to you.

Halfway through the production, the lead actress, who is playing a slinky character named Lola, breaks into a song about seducing married men. The actress in this production was VERY attractive. As she performed the song, she went around to the men seated in the front rows, touching their faces, holding their hands, etc. Now, the people who typically attend community theater in Scottsdale are well into Social Security age. The attentions of this lovely young woman brought smiles to all their faces.

My wife and I were sitting in the front row, as well. As the actress continued with the song, she evidently decided that I, as a younger man of 34, could tolerate her next bit of flirtation better than the elderly men in the audience. So instead of caressing my face, she seated herself in my lap.

Now I'd not usually object to a stunning young lady sitting in my lap, and I'd normally have played along by wrapping my arms around her. However, in this case, my hands were entirely preoccupied by steering her away from the pistol I was carrying in my right front pocket! I kept my right hand firmly over the pistol so she wouldn't put her hand on it, as my left hand attempted to keep her from shifting her weight so she wouldn't end up seated on the gun.

What should have been a fun moment was transformed into one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. The actress finally planted a kiss on my (flushed, I'm sure) cheek and sprang away. I glanced over at my wife, who was practically in tears laughing, knowing exactly what had just happened.

Next time I go to the theater, I'm wearing a belt holster.