Here are a few good websites to know & grow to love;
www.nra.org www.gunsamerica.com www.brownells.com www.nachezss.com www.jgsales.com www.policehq.com www.handgunlaw.us www.gunlawguide.com www.crimsontrace.com www.gunvideo.com www.paladin-press.com www.uscav.com www.blackhawk.com www.blade-tech.com www.comholsters.com www.mitchrosen.com www.safariland.com www.usgalco.com www.kirkpatrickleather.com www.trijicon.com .
I'd join the NRA, they offer training & support 2A/gun owner rights nationwide. Know & understand the state/local use of force and gun laws. Buy a new or NIB(new in box) model handgun. For your use(s), I'd suggest a simple robust SIG Sauer P229R or P226R DAK in .40 or the top rated .357sig. You can buy a after market kit(slide barrel magazine etc) then fire .22LR to practice & a .40 to carry.
Other smart picks include; the S&W SD9 or SD40, the Walther PPX, the Beretta PX4 C(constant action) in .40S&W or 9mm(9mm Luger), the HK P30 or P2000 in LEM(law enforcement modification). Night sights(Trijicon HD) or a laser-aimer;
www.lasermax.com may be useful. Most lethal force incidents occur in low light.
Only use factory made, high quality rounds for carry/home defense. No reloads or hand loaded ammunition. Top brands include DPX, Hornady Critical Duty, Ranger T/T Series, Golden Saber, Speer Gold Dot, Federal, Buffalo Bore.
Clean your firearm & check it often. A jam or misfire because of dirt/lack of cleaning isn't good in a serious event.
Teach your spouse that firearms are not toys, props or fashion statements. If she honestly lacks the skills or proper mindset to use lethal force, DO NOT let her carry a loaded firearm.
Stay safe & enjoy the shooting sports;
Clyde