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Do you have the hand strength to hold the weight of a gun or do you also need a light gun?
If you have the strength to hold the weight of a gun, get a smaller caliber gun in a larger and heavier frame. The frame will provide enough mass to reduce the perceived recoil. If you have no issues operating a slide on an auto-loader the slide and recoil spring will help to absorb recoil as well.
I know you said small gun, but my mother asked for advice in buying her first pistol. She ended up with an SP101 in .357 She loads .38 for practice and .38+p to carry and can handle it. It may not be what you personally end up with, but it's an example of how someone with a concern for hand strength and arthritis found success in the SP101.
Look for something with a low bore axis, maybe a ported barrel, and something with a bit of weight to it. With that in mind, visit a shop and see what fits in your hand and feels good.
EDIT:
Looks like Sevens posted as I did, but we seem to agree.
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