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I don't usually recommend a .22LR for self defense, but the Beretta Neos has about the smallest grip I have come across in a pistol. I have taken lots of young women (friends of my daughters) shooting for the first time. Everybody can reach the trigger, everybody enjoys it, and everybody has some pretty immediate success with it (which has a lot to do with enjoying it).
The problem with larger calibers is that to get a pistol small enough for tiny hands, the overall size and mass of the pistol may very well make recoil objectionable.
One centerfire pistol you might consider is the Beretta PX4 Compact. It is interchangeable backstraps, and the smallest one may allow you to reach the trigger. If so, it also has a rotating barrel system that tames recoil pretty significantly.
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