Ok - I shoot both .40 and 9mm. I have the S&W M&P in the 9mm. I shoot the .40 in a 229 Sig and G22 Glock. I also have a G19, a Kahr PM9, etc...
Here is the rub - with the platform you are getting - you will have a bit more of a snap from the .40. But frankly - all this "stopping power" stuff is moot if you can't obtain a critical hit. The true mantra is "bullet placement, bullet placement..." That M&P 9 is a fantastic and accurate shooter. Trigger is a littel mushy to me but you can get real accuracy with practice.
The 9mms have a variety of loads plus it is cheaper to shoot. The .40 is the primary Law enforcement load so you have that as a consideration.
But having both and liking both - I would go with a 9mm. Get proficient with that pistol and maybe down the road - go .40...the 9mm loads out there now are excellent.
I also have a .38 S&W J frame snubby - I wouldn't compare that to a .40...I would compare it to my 9mm Kahr PM9 with standard 9mm 115 gr loads.
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