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Old November 10, 2008, 01:50 PM   #153
chrisp0410
Senior Member
 
Join Date: July 23, 2008
Posts: 108
Quote:
Gee whiz gang, I step away for a while and we've gone from going outside to check a noise to "clearing the house" indoors.

Since I've had to do this whilst living alone I'll throw my 3-cents worth into the pot. First and most important...

No matter what you do, nothing will go quite to plan.

The townhome I live in has a door to the garage that connects to the house via the short hall to the master bath (I didn't design the damn thing). One night in the wee hours (so called because that's when you need to wee the most) I heard something fall inside the garage. I rolled over in bed, in my BVD's with my machismo running on high, reached over, wrapped my hand around the 1911 and as I move to get out of bed, I realize that my left arm, which I'd been sleeping on, is entirely numb. So much for an icosolese stance. Off balance, with the numb arm, I fling my legs out of bed and.... slammed the 2nd toe of my left foot into the square edge of a chair leg next to the bed! #&%$!!

So now, I'm awake. I suck air, bite my lip and hobble two steps to realize... I'm nearly blind. I can't open my right eyelid because it's stuck to the bottom one. Quickly wipe my eye and I can see. I can see well enough to see both cats curled up on the opposite foot of the bed looking at me like "What the heck are you doin?" I hobble to the door and listen and realize that I'm listening to my heart beating like Gene Krupa playing Sing Sing Sing on his drums. After a couple of slow deep breaths to calm myself, I listen again to... nothing.

Just as I half convince myself I imagined the whole thing and reach for the door knob I hear a small thump and the sound of an empty soda can tipping over on the floor. Mentally I exclaim "Ah-ha! I know exactly where that is! I left that can next to the toolbox!" I turn the door knob, fling the door wide open and snap on the lightswitch to the garage.

Now... I wanted my voice to sound like a mixture of John Wayne and Ward Bond when I shouted "Don't Move! Who's out there?" Instead, what came out sounded more like a frightened Don Knotts going through puberty. Even I wasn't impressed. Fortunately, after about four seconds of scanning the garage two things became apparent. First (and most importantly) the source of the noise became apparent as my 3rd cat timidly stuck his head around the corner of the toolbox and blurted out a questioning "Prrrrilll?" Second was that in my effort to assume a good crouching stance, something was hanging out of my very non-tactical BVD's.

Had this been a real alert, I figure that any bad guy would have dropped to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter at a wide-eyed, pudgy old guy who resembles Wilford Brimley wearing white boxers with "Mr. Happy" swinging in the breeze and holding a gun.

The moral of this lesson is...
Think before you act. Do not rush into a confrontation before you are ready. If it's a strange noise outside, use every means at your disposal to identify it without going outside. Your goal is to identify if there really is something worth reporting to 9-1-1, not to apprehend someone.
__________________
BillCA in CA (Unfortunately)
Editorial Advisor - Handgun Club of America
http://www.handgunclub.com
For American's handgun enthuisasts.
BillCA, that was the best post I have ever read in a forum, period!
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