.38 special = revolver (with extremely rare exceptions that are pricey and mostly pointless for self defense).
.380 auto = tiny autos such as the Walther PPK or Keltec P3AT or Ruger LCP.
.38 super = "Race gun", meaning mostly shot in non-defensive oriented guns that are 40 ounces or heavier, and premium defensive ammo is scarce.
9mm = The "everyman" cartridge. Light recoil, cheap ammo, lots and lots of choices.
All these cartridges shoot bullets that are about 0.355 to 0.357 diameter and 90 to 160 grains in weight.
The two you should look at in automatics are the .380 auto and the 9mm. .380 if a teeny-tiny purse-type gun is desired, or 9mm if something a bit larger is the goal.
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