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Go ahead and use a .22, or a .17, if it makes you happy.
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Now did I say that? We both should know there is a huge difference in mass, not just diameter, at that point as .22 is what, right around 36 gr? Heck that's close to only 1/4 of the weight of a measly 124 gr 9mm. Yet even still poor old Ronald Reagan was in a decent amount of danger after he was shot with a little old .22. To suggest that the difference between 9mm and 45 ACP is the same difference as that between 9mm and 22 cal is just ignorant.
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If a few tenths of an inch of expansion aren't important, then why is every single self-defense bullet on the market designed to expand?
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To help mitigate over-penetration more than anything else. Sure it helps with the wound as well. But expanded the diameter difference between 9mm and 45 ACP shrinks even more. Take a gander at this chart:
http://ammo.ar15.com/project/Self_De...icturerev3.jpg
Heck there are 9mm loadings that expand to a total diameter as much as, and in some cases more than, the expanded diameter of the insurmountable 45 ACP.
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The threshold for me is an easy-to-shoot, concealable handgun.
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And there are certainly handguns in both calibers that meet that for most people, though I think it's fair to say there are probably more options for smaller 9mms than smaller 45s.
I have nothing against the 45 ACP, it's a blast to shoot and I own just as many 45s as 9mms. But the idea that a 45 is a man shooter while a 9mm is a pea shooter is just laughable.
Edit: Below is an interview with an officer surviving 7 shots with a 45 ACP and continuing the fight to take out his attacker. The first shot on the officer was to his face.
http://www.policeone.com/suspect-pur...n-jared-reston