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Fender,
Either one will do, if you will do.
Best advice I can offer is to shoot several makes and models of both gauges, if you can arrange to do that. If not, at least handle everything you can at various dealers' shops. Get a feel for what seems to work best for you and what fits you best- proper gun fit will do a lot to mitigate felt recoil. Learning proper form and a good gun mount will also help handle recoil.
Sometimes a 20 gauge will yield more felt recoil with the kind of heavy loads used for defensive purposes than a 12 gauge will with reduced recoil loads. It really is best to 'try before you buy' if you can.
lpl
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