Recoil depends on momentum,which is mass x velocity, but using bullet weight is ok for comparisons sake. While powder affects velocity, given all the other variables, you can't use it the way you suggested, especially since you get different load data from different sources.
A heavier bullet with slower velocity will have the same momentum as a lighter bullet at faster velocity if the product of their weight times velocity is equal.
Given that their momentum is equal, a heavier bullet will have less felt recoil because the push of the recoil is a bit slower, so what you feel is spread out over a little more time. It's actually more complicated than that.
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