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Birdshot isn't appropriate for defense unless you are using #2 or larger (these are generally considered duck or geese loads) and have only very short ranges. I haven't seen 410 birdshot in anything larger than #6, a load that I find to be ineffective versus squirrels.
However, 410 3" is available in a 5 pellet OOO buck load. That's a serious HD load that will get the job done.
I'd still choose 20g over the 410.
12g reduced recoil loads are available w OO buck (and slug) which is easily handled by even small-statured people. I've seen very light women with minimal training handle the load with no problem.
The reason to consider a 20g or 410 IMO is the smaller guns that are available. Mossberg makes a 505 and now a 510 that are greatly scaled down. Shorter reach on the pump and less weight means it's more easily handled by the wife or smaller kids.
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