One of the problems with recoil could be that the gun doesn't fit quite right. That's why it kicked you so bad. Does she need a bit more length of pull? A bit less? However, if you're looking at a defensive gun in defense distances, IC or Mod is about as heavy as I go. If it's not too heavy for her, a recoil reducer would help as well. There's always the expensive but cool Knoxx stock option.
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