I'd go with the Beretta 92. I mean, hear me out:
* It's an immigrant, like well... all of us.
* It's bigger and heavier than it needs to be... a very American quality.
* It's nice to look at... another American quality.
* It's affordable.
* The US military adopted it as their primary sidearm.
The Beatles were wrong, happiness is not a warm gun. It's a new gun.