There are loads for all the common service pistol calibers from 9mm & up that pass the FBI test. The FBI test is actually a number of tests, several of which involve measuring penetration of a projectile after it has gone through intermediate barriers including plywood, sheet metal and glass. I think you'd be well served by any handgun loaded with something that passes the FBI test.
Nothing in any of the common calibers will defeat the common bullet proof vest protection levels, and the few handgun calibers that will, don't usually have a good selection of self-defense loadings. The FN FiveSeven might be the exception. Basically you should forget about trying to find a decent self-defense handgun/loading that will defeat vests. If you really think that vests are a problem you need to worry about, you need to go to long guns, or at least long-gun calibers.