looks to me like you are looking for an epiphany when you pick up a pistol. Probably wont happen because there are SOOOO many pistols out there to try and so little time (and or money).
There is definitely something wrong with your grip. Could be too tight or too loose of a grip. difficult to tell. Could also be you just found out you have carpal tunnel syndrome. I hope not.
2 pistols I personally picked up and felt an immediate attachment to is a Glock 20 (10mm) and a CZ 75. Both are worlds in difference in regards to feel.
Id say a strong majority of people feel an enlightened moment when they first pick up a 1911. My wallet thanks me that I have zero affinity towards 1911s or variants.
PLAN PLAN PLAN
A prudent man forsees evil and hides himself; the simple pass on and are punished