I recommend a good used Sig P226 9mm if you intend on carrying openly. The P226 will tame the 9mm more so than a Glock, and if that still isn't tame enough for you, there are buffer systems you can have installed to further tame it. Here's one that was made in Germany - http://www.gunbroker.com/Auction/Vie...Item=329423200
. The American made ones are good too.
If the Sig P226 grip is too fat for your hands, then I'd look at S&W 3rd gen single stack 9mm's. Something like a Smith & Wesson 3913. Of course, you could always go with a Browning Hi-Power - mild 9mm recoil and fits smaller hands nicely; however it is single action only.