I need a sign that says ......
Quote:
My mail box is full.
My yard needs mowing.
The kennel has my dog.
My bifocal perscription is late.
I'm a true blue liberal.
I dodged the draft.
The back door is unlocked.
And I have Allstate, Come on in. 
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During a home invasion my place is in the master bath with my wife, she's on the phone, I am aiming my shotgun at the door to the master bedroom protecting what I value most.
I am a human Claymore Mine