Re: 1911 9mm, it's possible you just got a bad batch of ammo. It's also possible you weren't being stiff enough in the wrist (not the finger). Limp-wristing happens when you're tired or just not focused enough. Happens to me and it's frustrating. But maybe dis and clean the magazines.
Re: Ruger Mark, naah you're not an idiot. The mags are small and Ruger Marks work differently than most centerfire pistols.
Re: 45, maybe the round or the SA match trophy fits you better. Don't question it, just steal your husband's gun and replace the grips.
Shoot smart. Shoot S-Mart.