I'm a firm believer in shooting full-weight, original-caliber-design specification bullet weights: that would be 230 gr. in .45acp, 180 gr. in .40, and 147 gr. or 124 gr. (minimum) in 9mm.
Especially in the notoriously snappy (bordering on unpleasant, for many folks) .40 caliber, I find the 180 gr. loadings much more comfortable to shoot, and much easier to shoot well than the lighter weight bullet loads.