Recoil is the price you pay for any effective load. At the higher velocities attained by +P lighter bullets, I can't see any difference in recoil between them and standard velocity 158. However, when you get into +P loads for both, the heavier bullet kicks harder.
However, should a SD situation arise (God forbid) recoil will be the last thing on your mind.
Pick a carry load based upon it's reputation, (FBI load, 135 gr SB, etc). I carry the 135 +P Short barrel load in my 642. Buy enough of the stuff to practice with, get used to the recoil, and problem is solved.
God Bless America