Personally, it's all about what kind of grip one has on his J frame, and less about how one has to consciously place/grip the gun. I would try different styles of grips on your J frame, and decide which grip allows you to purchase the gun comfortably without you having to think about whether or not your grip is right. There are several styles of grips, and I'm sure one will fit the bill.
Full size finger grooved grips - typically, these come in rubber, and cover both the front and rear strap, as well as the butt. Your small finger is not left dangling, but may be to big for small hands.
"Boot" grips - these will cover the front strap, and have finger grooves, leaving your small finger dangling. Rear strap and butt is exposed. Great for little hands, but harder to control the gun when using hot loads.
Wood full size finger grooved grips - most of these grips will cover the front strap and butt of the frame, leaving the rear strap exposed - these grips are perfect for my hands (size 8 1/2 glove size).
Standard OEM S&W grip panels - these grips work for me, but work much better when a Tyler-T grip is installed. If you must keep the original wood panels (which I and many do because of the aesthetics of these grips), then a Tyler-T grip will enhance the feel of your gun when purchased.
Oversized finger grooved grips - If you love the concealability and low weight of a J frame revolver, but crave the feel of gripping a Glock, then these grips are for you. Personally, I find this type of grip offensive in appearance, and yes, gripping a J frame with grips like these reninds me of gripping a Glock.
The bottom line, one should not have to wonder whether one has the proper purchase when gripping a handgun...this should be an unconscious act, and installing the right grip on your gun will make that happen.