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In the final analysis, it is the defender's objective to stay unhurt and to protect his family, using deadly force effectively as a last resort only when it becomes necessary.
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I agree, I'm pretty sure everyone will agree to that statement.
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That means not exposing himself to fire.
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Pretty sure everyone agrees with this as well.
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It also means that his objective is not to figure out how to best engage and shoot the guy somewhere in the house because he has entered.
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No doubt, I don't think anyone implied otherwise. However, everyone should have in mind some plans to defend themselves, and their families if it becomes necessary.
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BTW, if you have the facilities, have someone put some targets on the other side of a wall and start shooting through the door. Count the hits.
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I have, and the results were surprising. I got more hits than I imagined I would. YMMV
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Then have two or three people engage a person who is half exposed, using simunitons, paint-ball, or Airsoft. I think you'll give up on that strategy. One or more of the intruders may get hit, but that's not what's important.
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Have been in this position many times in airsoft, and paintball. Sometimes it works out, others, not so much. As I said earlier, I know what the experts say, I have read and I agree with most of their (and your) points. I am merely saying that given the OP's situation, I would feel comfortable with defending the stairway. There is no "right" or "wrong" answer to this, just differing opinions.