My wife is essentially the same size and we had a real hard time finding something for her. I learned quickly to not buy what I thought she would want, stupid male ego.....
But anyway, we went to a range and rented three guns: Walther PPK(?? Single stack striker 9), Sig P238 and S&W Shield. She did not like the Sig, too small and hard to control, she was indifferent about the Walther but really enjoyed the Shield so we got her that. This was of course after trying out like 7 different guns between mine and friends. We went to the range last weekend and she was smiling ear to ear. Said she really enjoyed shooting it and had no problems with any of the operations of the gun. She was pretty accurate too. We def found a winner. The recoil was a nonissue as well, she probably put 100+ rounds downrange w no problems at all!
I know it doesn't meet all of your criteria, but definitely give the shield a chance!