Hodgdon says a Titegroup load for a 125gr. FMJ should range from 4.1 to 4.4 grains. Berry's bullets work well at mid-level FMJ loads and below, so I would think you should be OK at about 4 grains to start, however if the gun groups well at 3.6 gr. then by all means use that. I load all my Berry's 115 gr. plated RN 9mm to 1.14", but with the flat nose on your bullets you might try something as short as 1.12" if you are having feeding problems. 1.169" is the absolute max for 9mm Parabellum and it doesn't surprise me that you have feeding problems using a HBFP bullet set to that OAL.
Next time you try Berry's, try the 115 gr. plated bullets, you will save some money and they work great for 9mm.