Recoil from a .380 varies from gun to gun. A LCP like I use only weighs 9.4 oz. unloaded so there is no weight to help with recoil. A .380 in a Beretta model 86 is much easier to control because of weight. Same with the 9mm. The weight of the gun plays a major role in how much recoil there is. I have a P89 Ruger 9mm and recoil is very mild compared to my .380 LCP due to the size and weight of the gun. The recoil from a .380 or 9mm in a medium size gun is much less than 12 gauge shotgun. If your wife can shoot the 30-30 at all she can handle the recoil of many guns that are suitable for you.
I will second the revolver recommendation. Under stress of fight or flight having something simple to use can save your life. Also revolvers are extremely reliable. Semi autos that are sa/da are also simple to use and many can be carried safely with the safety off and hammer down. However if either of you have any trouble racking the slide on a semi auto then that is something you should not consider.
The main thing with any handgun you choose is practice. Dry firing at home with snap caps can improve shooting ability considerably and is free and to me fun. Under stress many people have shot at someone 10' away and missed multiple times. With practice you will automatically do what you have trained to do. Make sure your wife can handle the gun comfortably too.