In my production gun, an XD 5.25 the 147's, pushed fast enough to make PF have a smoother recoil impulse. This allows me to get back on target faster.
The 115's, when pushed fast enough to make PF have faster, snappier recoil. I imagine thats why most of the folks who are competitive are shooting 147's.
Occasionally I'll shoot my G21 in production and SSP. You dont have to push a 230gr bullet very fast to make the 125 PF, so to me it, shoots even softer than the 9mm. Its just more expensive.
Bullet weight is not necessarily the determining factor for recoil.