Nothing above for me to argue with, so I'll just "add to".
Many gun stores will let you and your wife "feel and fondle" their various handguns. How a gun feels in your/her hand will affect the ease of mastering the needed skills. You can narrow down the possible choicew, and then rent the same gun at a range to see if that's really what you want.
The other item has nothing whatsoever to do with guns. It's "scenarios". What sort of problems can you realistically expect? Jeff Thomas touched on this, by implication, with his comment about shotguns for home defense.