My colostomy bag. Can you help me change it?
That's great! I have a friend who has a bag on his side, don't you ever ask him what that is under his shirt, he'll show you. Lot's of fun at the airport! :barf:
To answer the OP's question, *not quite grabbing crotch but putting hands in the area* "I'm just a humble man with a big, uh, gun. Well, I guess I'm not that humble."
(I would never say that)
Or "Fifteen in the clip and one in the hole. Mess with me, I make yo' body turn cold." (I would never say that either)