Truth - when they get the drop on you, no matter how, your options are reduced to bad and worse. Compliance is bad, for all the reasons already stated. But dying, and getting your wife shot or killed, is worse. Somebody in that scenario is getting shot if you draw.
You're right about that for sure. It all comes down your goal. My goal is to minimize losses. Unless I have a VERY strong feeling that I'm getting shot no matter what, I comply. It's already bad. You're behind the curve and, when guns are pointed at you, you're NOT getting back ahead of that curve. Your last sentence is the key. If you draw, somebody gets shot. Most likely multiple "somebodies" and most likely both you and your wife. I personally don't care if the BGs live or die, I want to maximize my odds of living, preferably without injury. The most probable action leading to a safe outcome is compliance.
Still happily answering to the call-sign Peetza.
The problem, as you so eloquently put it, is choice.
He is no fool who gives what he can not keep to gain what he can not lose.
-Jim Eliott, paraphrasing Philip Henry.