For targets/bowling pins/ yada, yada I load 230 gr. West Coast brand plated RN.
I don't have a .45 I'd carry, but if I did I'd likely refer to this site for a little scientific guidance:
For the most part, most .45 HPs are going to be fairly effective, so even just buying the premium name-brand load that's on sale would probably be safe enough. It isn't like trying to find the perfect .380 load. All the ammo makers try very hard to offer rounds just as good as the next guy's. But it does need to be some sort of expanding ammo.